Lost of control: the blackout

There is a saying out there in the world, it goes like this: ” sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. We have been taught that at a young age so we can better cope with name calling and bullying. But did it prepare us for when we get older? Peoples words are very strong. They can cut like a knife and feel like a artery is bleeding out. No matter how old you are words hurt. Especially if they are words that relate to hurtful or depressing events going on in your life. They say violence isn’t the answer, so what do people do to protect themselves? Words. Some people are thick skinned and don’t get phased by them, but some are not. You can tell who is and isn’t based on looks. I put money that if you would look at me you would think words don’t phase me. Well, the cuts on my arm and the slice womb on my neck says different. Verbal abuse is a real thing for humans, female OR MALE. As a male, I could admit that I have bad self esteem issues. That doesn’t make less of a man. It makes me a human with true emotions and a conscience. I think I hide it so well but I have triggers just like everyone else. I’ve been so angry and depressed that instead of inflicting pain on others I inflict it on myself. I black out and loss all control of my actions. All I know is when I snap back into reality I am cleaning up a mess. People stare and ask question but don’t get a straight answer. They will never understand. How I am on the inside is a dark place and all I’ve been trying to do is find a little light. Humans are not perfect but I’m no less perfect then anyone. Instead of pointing and judging, people should ask why and listen. Listening goes a long way. I don’t write these passages for attention. I write them because I know out there in the world with over 6 billion people, there is at least one that is asking the same question and saying the same opinions as me. I just want the world out there to know that you are not alone….